a class

i am surrounded by people, so a tendency to compete creeps up throughout the class, and i am again and again returning to my own breathing, my own sweat, and my physical sensation. i am in eagle pose. it's hard, really really hard to keep up with this practice. i lift my elbows, i sink my hips. i smile at myself because i used to loathe this very pose. with practice, with years of practice, i can slip in and out of balance postures with grace. i have more control over my muscles and i hear where they are going, where they want to go, where i want them to go. i find a balance within the balance. through the flow i use my arm strength, and am aware that i should use more upper back strength as well. i need this. i need chaturanga, up dog, down dog, repeat. i need to flow through these things with grace, i love it, and it's so hard. my back tells me this: do this practice 1.5 hours a day, really? that often? i need to do that, get back into that like i used to. it's hard. we start off in child's pose, and i know what's coming: the guts and the glory. it's sort of strange how at the first few sun salutations are more like eye openers, and then as i open i am faced with just plain goodness. just the link of breath with movement. when i don't practice this practice i feel it. so it's worth it, it may take a minute to admit it but it's worth it. it may be freakin hard as hell...but i love it.