mixed up morning

Went to bed early last night. Actually, I came home from a massage, took a shower, and then laid down in my bathrobe. The bathrobe is rather soft and fluffy, and I ended up putting my eye mask on and not getting up. This was around 8:30 maybe. I had little energy, I was just so tired. I'm starving for more energy these days, I always feel like I need more. There might be a mixture of reasons why - stressed out about job, body is in pain, the job itself is dull, and it's taking every part of me to drag me to it. I feel stale at my job. Not myself, as if I am missing something. Like there is a another way to live...?

Of course there's another, better, way. And I'm looking forward to it. I know that I will leave this job, and be ok with it. I know that I need to leave because I need to be much more physical in my everyday life so that I can get better. It's not like once I get better, I'll be able to go back to a job like this. No, I doubt it will happen like that. For some reason, I have this issue with my back, and I want to get it better, which I feel is a lifelong journery. My life needs to change in order for me to feel better.

I am sooo emotional anymore because of this. I feel helpless and frustrated because of chronic pain. And then you have this:

"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet." Rumi

A few words put together that make me believe in another way to live. I kind of realized recently that I need to love myself first, no matter what it takes, and do whatever it takes. It's not selfish. It's putting my best self forward, and finding out how to do so first before I fall down again into another job, or any choice, that I feel I am "stuck" in. "To take a step without feet." To move forward with a smile on my face and then see what happens. See what my choices become in that case.