couch session

i'm into stuff like:
joseph arthur
meeting folks who teach yoga
3-legged downdog
turning the tv off and closing my eyes
hangin with two beautiful german sheperds until sunday
headstand 101 workshop this saturday
believing in my own power
hazlenut coffee
livin in a new house next weekend
teaching with my hands
opening throat chakra
laying down and taking care of myself
being in movement like all the time
remembering over and over again that this moment is a wonderful moment
trying accupuncture for back
chilly temps
no music in the car
taking a yoga class everyday of the week

last day

It's my last Saturday at the libary, and Tuesday will be my official Last Day. Feels good and right.

Looking over an old livejournal post, seems relevant to my current situation, my upcoming change, so I'll share here:
--
today it's kind of windy, i rather be in front of a tv drinking wine.i just sat in child's pose inside my cubicle on the floor. sometimes this happens in the emptiness of afternoons here, after people around have left, when there's less risk of being exposed. sometimes i realize i am there after the fact, when i am already in it. my body tells me what to do. i think most while drinking tea, green, after it's cooled a little. sat in a 2 hour meeting today to learn a new program. bullshit. i'll feel bad when i leave here but not that bad. i have my suspicions of others who are on their way out as well. some of us will leave, most will stay. most have stayed here. i looked around the room at this meeting earlier and realized how much i must stick out here. i already knew this, but i really do. sometimes i think i fit, but then there are moments when everyone might as well be pointing at me, i am so aloof. part of it is by choice, because i feel so different here. it's the job that isn't me. it's not their fault really. i just don't belong here. some things can not be explained. kevin left 2 bananas for me, he's taking off wed-fri. he will miss the 2nd part of the meeting, another 2 hours where they try to get us psyched up for this new computer program we need to learn. it is bullshit. i have a difficult time taking computers seriously, taking this company and the people i work for seriously. it's better if i leave because i'm not one of those people who are good at going through the motions no matter what. i need to feel something. almost 4. then off to pick up prescription and some fruit/veggies. i wish i knew how to grocery shop/cook. i never know what to make. i bought Children of Men, i want to watch that. it was so cool in the theater, but in the end the book wins. i'm not sure where i will go but i know it will be with Danielle, the person who knows me better than i know myself. it's scary to think i have to make myself who i want to be, but i'm excited to see who i will become. it always comes back to yoga, no matter what. to movement in general. maybe i hurt my back for a reason...i don't regret. i would not be in this body if it weren't for it, even though i curse it all the time because of pain. maybe i would choose to work in an office for the next however many years, but i know i can't do that. it's so unnatural to me..especially when i have the ability to do something i want to do, again it's scary because i have to make it happen, but it's not the kind of scary like thinking about the next 20 years sitting inside a cube...we will see.
--
That was from when I worked at Cadmus. Isn't it weird that in a few days I will no longer sit behind a desk for money? It always comes back to yoga, like I said over two years ago, and indeed it has...in a huge way. : )

i'm a yoga teacher

You can find me teaching some sweet yoga here:


ocean earth wind fire: www.oceanearthwindfire.com

Dhyana Yoga - Main Line location: http://www.dhyana-yoga.com/

Upper Main Line YMCA: www.umly.org


I also teach private or small group instruction - from beginner to advanced. All levels, all good. Contact me for more details :) Stay well.

hum of locusts and air conditioners

Refiguring my to do's, my importants, and my no thank you's.

Learning to acknowledge things that are hurting me -- letting people know that I feel this way, and not feeling guilty about it.

Wanting more nature in my life...wearing the color green now more than ever.

I have a chronic wrist issue now.

Addicted to coffee.

Excited to mingle with old friends again.

Establishing myself as a yoga teacher. In two weeks, I will only be teaching yoga for income.

It's been a very enjoyable summer.

I don't need a vacation to feel free, relaxed, and detached.

Thankful for new people in my life.

Committing to a sense of curiosity for where my career is going, and maintaining a compassion for myself and my journey along the way.

Loving the colors burnt orange, maroon, pretty purples..

Seeing Britney Spears in a matter of days.

Need a dance community in my life. Some sort of group that does modern dance/yoga/ish stuff. Ideas? This is my missing link in my life right now.

Power Vinyasa Yoga is my dance at the moment.

Learning to talk less, be more.

Reading when I want to, which isn't much these days. Not feeling bad about it.

So happy I don't have cable.

Meditating a bit, but whenever I do I cry. This is ok, even needed.

Missing some old friends pretty badly.

Always coming back to The Walkmen, my old reliable.

So not a city person at the moment, but probably will be again once fall arrives.

Loving the scent of lavender and its relaxing qualities.

It's been a Dave Matthews in the car with the windows down kind of summer.

Grateful for many things, including the love of my life who puts things into perspective for me.

the powers that be

So I been practicing power yoga a lot these days. I'm doing a teacher training at Power Yoga Works which is totally sweet and awesome and everything I need in my life right now. I'm so tired right now but I told myself earlier that I would update this darn thing so I am.

Last weekend we worked on backbends and I think I found the closest thing to a cure for my back: get over yourself and do full wheel in every class, more than once. As it turns out, I was babying my back. It's very important to baby my back, but I need to compliment that with the strength building back bends. I usually practice bridge or modified bridge with a block, but turns out that's not really what my back is looking for. After two days of practicing locust, camel, bridge, wheel...I felt freakin incredible. No pain. Going into it I thought that the opposite would result, but no. I was so...wow. Stunned, really. This discovery was one that only reinforced my decision to do this training.

Now I love me some Yin Yoga, don't get me wrong. But too many forward bends, especially when they are held for minutes and minutes, can actually do more harm than good for my low back, with its herniated discs, stenosis, degeneration and all that. I was on a break from yin but now I am back. It's definitely helping me. I think because I'm taking my backbends more seriously in my "other" yoga practice...

In other non-yoga news, I love my dog and we're going to cuddle now and sleep.

Michael Jackson..."Boy Prince"

I am fascinated with the childlike essence of Michael Jackson. He never got to grow up like everybody else. Everything about him screams little boy. All controversy aside, there's no denying that he changed the world. This article touches on the inner child and how it relates to MJ.

---

Commentary

By Michael Ventre
msnbc.com contributor
updated 8:16 p.m. ET June 25, 2009


Most kings are destined to be remembered as kings, not as the person they had been before ascending to power. Even though Michael Jackson earned recognition as the King of Pop, the legacy he leaves is that of a boy prince.

Michael Jackson was never comfortable in the adult world. Early on he recognized he would be the happiest in the land of Ferris wheels, cotton candy, docile animals and 24/7 playtime, and he clung to that life. He looked at film of the Jackson 5, circa 1968, noticed the front man was a kid, and wondered whatever happened to that boy’s childhood.

Michael Jackson passed away today. It’s always sad when parents outlast their children. It’s even sadder when the inner child and the adult can’t decide who will go first.

In 1966, when Michael Jackson was almost 8, the Jackson 5 was born. Soon after, these talented young men from Gary, Ind., found themselves playing in seedy nightclubs and dodgy strip joints. That isn’t so bad, in most cases. The musical artist who demands only a dignified path to stardom usually spends a lonely life in the garage or basement. Humble beginnings, or even humiliating ones, come with the territory.

But when you’re a kid, and your father is pushing you ever harder to work and achieve and succeed like Joseph Jackson pushed, the road becomes mean and the spirit turns cold. Michael’s boyhood was Dickensian, even though he grew up in a tight African-American family from an unforgiving industrial region of the Midwest that went on to become rich.

The world knew that Michael Jackson — the 8-year-old with the mini-Afro, the 1,000-watt smile and the footwork of a vaudevillian — as being perennially upbeat. But inside, he had to be wishing that he could skip the next gig and hang out with some kids his age. He had to be lamenting the fact that while the family was going places, he wanted to remain behind a little longer in childhood.

As he grew older, he became a greatly admired creative force. The “Off the Wall” album in 1979 sent his star into a new galaxy. “Thriller,” in 1982, became the biggest-selling album of all time. He had movie projects, he bought the Beatles’ catalog, he did “Captain EO” for Disney theme parks, he co-wrote “We Are the World.” He seemed to have his gloved hand in everything.

Fame made him tabloid fodder

But amid all the success, there was the residual dissatisfaction and longing. The more famous he became, the more he seemed to withdraw from the attention, usually in highly peculiar ways. Much of what was written about him was fiction. Yet because he had a chimpanzee, because he owned Neverland Ranch with all its childlike wonder, because he seemed to alter his physical appearance with each public appearance, he was constant fodder for the media, legitimate and otherwise.

He also made headlines with two marriages, first to Lisa Marie Presley and then to Deborah Rowe, with whom he had two children. The scrutiny intensified.

Like any showman, Jackson drew the spotlight to himself. He was quiet, soft-spoken and fragile, but he knew the business as well as anyone. The freak, the eccentric, the “Wacko Jacko,” might all have been unflattering descriptions, but a lot of the buzz was the result of his own orchestration. He knew that when Michael Jackson set one foot onto any stage, the klieg lights would illuminate it. And when he could work it to his advantage, he did just that.

The struggle between the naïve child and the savvy grown man turned Michael Jackson into a riddle of which the press and the public never grew tired.

The interest was never greater than during Jackson’s trial on sexual molestation charges near Santa Barbara, Calif., in 2003. He was eventually acquitted, but it revealed the most inappropriate aspects of Jackson’s desire to be among children. Whether you were a cynic who felt he was a pedophile who escaped justice, or whether you were a supporter who believed he was a misunderstood genius who only wanted to help people, he certainly seemed to invite trouble, whether through naivete or lasciviousness or a strange brew of both.

After that, there were various Michael Jackson reports. He was living in Bahrain. He was living in Nevada. He was preparing a major tour. He was pondering an extended engagement in Vegas. He lost Neverland Ranch. He made a deal to save it.

What usually was missing from any Michael Jackson report in the past 25 years or so was the music. There was a time when soul and rhythm and blues ruled, when Motown was a dominant force in the record business, when acts such as Stevie Wonder and Diana Ross and the Temptations and the Four Tops and Marvin Gaye were as big in their world as the Beatles and Elvis Presley were in theirs.

They didn’t get that way through subterfuge, gimmicks or spin. They crafted radio-friendly songs that were vibrant and passionate and original, and they made an impact on the music business that is still felt today in newer generations of artists.

The Jacksons were right in the middle of all that. They produced hits such as “I’ll Be There,” “I Want You Back,” “ABC” and “Never Can Say Goodbye” that burned up the charts and remain pop classics. Then Michael went solo and combined songwriting prowess with performance legerdemain to become one of the most astonishing acts ever. Songs such as “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough,” “Rock With You,” “Billie Jean,” “Beat It” and “Thriller,” to name a few, have endured — and will endure.

Perhaps those songs will make future generations forget about the unusual and the unfortunate involving a modern-day prince with king-sized accomplishments and a child’s imagination.

© 2009 msnbc.com.

Inner Child Yoga

I will be holding a "Yoga for the Inner Child" workshop at Ocean Earth Wind Fire (www.oceanearthwindfire.com) in Phoenixville June 13. Here is some info in case ya'll are in a playful mood. :)


What does “Yoga for the Inner Child” mean?

The concept of the Inner Child represents the feeling, creative, vulnerable, and playful part of ourselves. As adults, we may think it’s silly or immature to connect with this part of ourselves. After all, we’re not kids anymore, right? Maybe somebody told you that it wasn’t ok to feel your feelings as a kid, and so you’ve brought that into adulthood. When this is the case, our Inner Child shuts down, but wants deeply to be out in the open. It is our responsibility to let the Inner Child know she is safe to do just that, to be spontaneous and cry and laugh and do whatever it is children do without even thinking about it.

When we fully embrace the Inner Child, we honor our truest spirit and give ourselves permission to feel and live out loud again, instead of looking toward outside sources for approval. The Inner Child could also be called our inner voice or truest self.

It is when we neglect our bodies and our deepest desires that the Inner Child feels betrayed. When we aren’t listening to our inner voice, we may notice tension build in the body, frequent headaches, lack of sleep, etc. Our yoga practice is a beautiful place to embrace our childlike needs and learn how to honor them. Child’s pose and Happy Baby are just the beginning – each yoga pose is an opportunity to become childlike as you listen to the body and observe your experience in a fresh new light. In yoga, you can practice loving your Inner Child without judgment and without feeling rushed. Notice whatever feelings come up and observe with compassion and curiosity – remember that it is your choice to take on the responsibility of loving parent to the child within, so be careful not to criticize. You can learn to discover your Inner Child’s joy and wisdom and allow that to dance with the serious adult.


What brought me to connect the concept of the Inner Child with Yoga?

I began to link the idea of yoga and the Inner Child in my own quest for a deeper understanding of my life today. Of course, this brought me all the way back to childhood! Everyone is affected by childhood in some way. Each person’s experience is unique. Some of us do not allow ourselves to feel our feelings, and so our childlike spirit within thinks she’s not allowed to exist. I found that my yoga practice is a beautiful place to practice self-acceptance and listen in to my more playful side, the child who knows what she wants. When you’ve provided a safe space for the child to speak up, it is up to you to be a good listener. Yoga is where the Inner Child can come out to play with the serious adult. Reconnecting with your Inner Child may help you begin healing emotional and physical trauma stored deep inside. In yoga we can practice this new experience without criticism and pressure.


How else does the Inner Child relate to our yoga practice?
In yoga…

We learn to slow down and relax more – Our Inner Child loves this! You are honoring her as you slow down.

We experience new things – Many of us hold onto past childhood traumas and are afraid to feel the anxiety and fear that may come as we approach new situations. Through yoga and the practice of surrender we honor our bodies and do what feels right. We are among others who are feeling their own experiences. We allow ourselves to feel buried emotions. Whether the child within comes out to laugh, smile, or cry, we let her know it’s ok to experience new things with curiosity and compassion.

We give ourselves the time and permission to be present – We can choose to be in “child time.” In yoga class, it’s our teacher’s job to keep track of time while we can focus on the present. Then we can pay close attention to our experiences unfolding before us and relish in the gift of time we’ve given ourselves.

We practice unconditional self-acceptance – As a child, and now, we may not have been accepted and so may carry shame. Even if we were good children, we may not have received the message of unconditional love. In yoga, we don’t have to run away from our shame; we can tell our Inner Child that it doesn’t have to hide anymore. Your love is unconditional for her.